Night Reconnaissance
by eleganceundone
Summary: Harley sturggles to prove to her puddin' that she can be whatever he wants her to be. Loosely based off of The Dresden Dolls' song "Night Reconnaissance" which I borrowed lyrics from. Disclaimer: the lyrics ain't mine and neither are DC characters.


Night Reconnaissance

"One of the biggest problems with you," Joker hissed at Harley, "Is that you can't be heartless when you need to be! I'm not even saying that you need to be heartless all the time! I realize that only I'm great enough to accomplish that," he paused to smooth back his emerald hair while gazing at himself in the mirror, "But for God's sake Harl! Can't you do it on command once in awhile?"

"I can be heartless puddin'! Really I can-"

He whirled around from the mirror and laughed softly and condescendingly.

"No you can't, just look at how much you love me."

"I can be heartless and love you at the same time! Really I can-"

This time she was interrupted by a swift punch in the face that pushed her to the floor. The flawless ivory of her face was suddenly cracked by a single drop of crimson trickling down her chin from the corner of her ebony lips.

"Next time I need someone to kill for me, I'll bring one of the boys," he said and walked into his study without another word.

Harley hugged her knees to her chest and sighed before taking off the black mask that covered her eyes, revealing the actual peach color of her skin in the area she hadn't covered with makeup.

She licked the corner of her lip, and tasted copper.

And then, she began to formulate a plan.

--

At first he didn't notice anything.

Yeah, she'd been cleaning a little less. Yeah, she'd stopped bugging him so much. And yes, she'd even stopped begging him for sex, but Joker was a busy man and he didn't have time to watch his dame's every move.

But then came the night when Harley turned him down. Actually said no-- N.O. to sex!

"I'm sorry Mistah J, I've just been so busy lately! Even if I didn't have to keep working, I'd be too tired!" she'd said when he'd snapped the straps off of her bra while she sat in the kitchen with a notebook, dangling a knife seductively in front of her.

He'd been too shocked to hit her.

"And what exactly is it that you're so busy with?"

"Nothing important enough to bother you with puddin'! You've been busy lately too, why don't you just get some sleep?"

After she'd kissed him on the cheek, he'd actually taken her advice... sort of.

As ashamed as he was to admit it, he'd actually gone to bed to dance with himself a little that night. He didn't get much out of it. He was too frustrated. After all, he hadn't even wanted sex since Harley somersaulted into his life and he hadn't jacked off since grade school.

Joker knew that he could always force Harley to just tell him what she was up to, but he held himself back. Something that kept her from waiting on him hand and foot was bound to be interesting, and something that made her disinterested in sleeping with him was bound to be very interesting, so Joker decided to wait and see where she took things.

--

"I haven't dressed like this since my senior prom," Harley thought to herself as she walked down the streets of Gotham in a full length red strapless gown.

It had taken her about a month, but she'd finally done it. She'd finally come up with a plan to show Joker just how heartless she could be.

Within a few blocks, the lights of limos became visible in the distance. Harley saw one couple walking hand in hand together, saying something about how limos were 'sooo cliché.' Taking her gun from her purse she jogged up to them, her heals clicking noisily on the sidewalk.

"Um excuse me," she said when she was less than half a foot away from their backs.

The couple turned around and she immediately pinned them to be 14-years-old at the most.

"Are you a chaperone?" the girl asked. She was wearing a light blue dress that looked like it had come straight from JC Pennies.

"Pardon me?" Harley asked.

"You look a little old to be one of the debutantes is all," the girl said.

Harley glared. She felt even less guilty now.

"No I'm not a chaperone," Harley said and took her gun from behind her back and aimed it at the girls head, "I'm just here to ask you to step into this alley with me, and don't make a sound."

The two children did as she asked without question, looking absolutely terrified.

Once in the alley, Harley put the gun back into her purse and took out a knife instead.

"And for your information, I'm only 28!" Harley said before slitting both of their throats.

She kneeled by the fallen girl and rifled through her satin clutch until she found what she was looking for: an invitation.

Miss Lili Harrison

You are cordially invited to Gotham Medical's Annual Debutante Ball!

Present this invitation at the door on the night of May 30th at 8 o'clock.

This is a black tie event.

Harley stopped reading, annoyed. It was the exact kind of thing that she would have loved when she was that age. The exact kind of thing that only rich doctor's daughters could afford to buy an invitation to.

She stood, being careful not to get blood on her dress, not that it would have mattered considering her dress was red, and then shoved the bodies further into the dark alley with her foot.

One obstacle left: making sure the doormen didn't realize she wasn't Lili.

--

Meet me at Gotham's Debutante Ball at 9 o'clock. You need an invitation to get in, so please try not to cause too much of a scene finding a way in without one.

Love,

Harley

Joker studied the note that he'd found on his desk that afternoon amused.

Gotham's Debutante Ball? She probably just really wanted him to take her someone fancy. Still, weren't those kinds of things for younger girls?

Either way, it looked like he'd be wearing a tux that night.

"You a chaperone?" the doorman had asked, raising an eyebrow as he looked between her and the invitation.

"Yes," she hissed through her teeth. God! She wasn't that old, was she?

"Alright then. Welcome Miss Harrison!" he said and swung the glass door open for her.

A huge ivory staircase trimmed in a red velvet carpet awaited her. She could hear the heavy beat of a pop song playing from above. Smiling, she stepped up, the train of her dress ruffling over the stairs behind her.

Harley checked a watch she stored in her purse. 8:45, almost show time. She was safely hidden in a stall in the bathroom for the time being, now docked in her harlequin costume with her dress folded into her purse along with her heals.

She put a last few dabs of white onto her face before closing her compact and taking out the bomb. It was only the size of a golf ball, and had a smiley face on it. She'd stolen it from Mistah J's collection of "small but powerful toys." He had so many she doubted he'd miss it.

--

Joker stood in the shadows of the punch bar. He didn't see Harley anywhere and he was getting more annoyed by the second. The last thing he wanted to do was hide out watching a bunch of kids dance to the latest radio craze. If it turned out that all she wanted from him was a romantic dance, she wouldn't be able to dance for months.

Still, he was rather impressed with himself. He'd barely caused a scene in getting in. All that had happened was that the doorman ran away screaming upon seeing him.

And when he'd finally gotten to the actual ball, the kids were too busy dancing to notice him skulking around the corners looking for Harley.

He'd even noticed that sap Bruce Wane talking to another man, chaperoning no doubt, and resisted the urge to kill them both.

"I haven't seen Lili yet, I hope she didn't get sick, she was really excited about coming with Jay," a girl in a horrendously pink dress said to a disinterested older boy as the two made their way to the punch table.

Joker turned around to keep his face hidden, but soon turned again when the room went silent. Completely silent. The DJ's music had abruptly cut off in the middle of a song and the boisterous conversation had stopped abruptly as well.

And then the lights had gone off.

"Woo!" a boy shouted from somewhere in the middle of the dance floor.

"Anyone need a condom?" another boy shouted.

"Now, now..." a Jersey accent rang out loudly, before the lights came back on, "Not in front of the chaperones!"

All eyes immediately turned towards the DJ, who was now lying on the floor covered in a pool of blood. Standing atop his turn table was Harley Quinn, holding the DJ's severed head.

Screams emitted from the crowd and all the children instantly began to run towards the stairs.

"I don't think so kids!" Harley said and snapped her fingers. Instantly the stairs lit up in flames.

Joker had to cover his mouth to stop himself from laughing, he knew it'd be recognizable. He wasn't sure how she'd done the trick with the fire, but he was impressed.

"Alright Quinn, where's the clown?"

Everyone's gaze shifted from Harley to the other side of the room, where Batman had suddenly appeared.

"He ain't here!" she said, sounding slightly offended and slightly hurt that he hadn't come. She apparently hadn't seen him.

"This is all you?"

"All me! Why? You think I'm not able to pull something like this off myself!?" she called back angrily.

"Well to be honest…" he said and began walking towards her, "No."

"Don't move Batsy!" she said and took out one of his smiley bombs from seemingly no where, "Or I'll detonate it."

Joker was really starting to dig these magic tricks, he'd have to ask her about them later.

Batman stopped dead in his tracks, as she'd predicted. She hadn't expected him to be there, but she'd planned for it just in case.

"Nothing is crueler than children who come from good homes," she chided Batman, "God'll forgive them I guess, but whose side are you on?"

"Don't do this Quinn! You have nothing to gain from this!"

"No one can stop me, this script is a work of genius! No one has bought the rights yet but I'm not givin up! Let me show you one of the scenes Batsy!" she said.

Harley cart wheeled off of the turn table before jumping back up with a short fat girl whose arm was now pinned behind her back.

"Mary you look like hell," Harley said to the girl.

"My name isn't Mary!" the girl squeaked in terror.

"Details…" Harley shrugged, "And now I shall valiantly attempt to saw a woman in half!"

Harley leaned in close to the girls head but didn't bother to whisper what she said next.

"Ya ain't really a woman yet either, but like I said… details," she said and used slight of hand to pull a knife from behind the girl's ear.

And then she plunged it into the girl's ribs.

The children screamed again and Batman flinched. Joker was having an extremely hard time controlling his laughter.

"Ohhhh Hollywood..." Harley cooed.

"If you haven't guessed, the movie is about a misunderstood magician's assistant," she told Batman, "And it'd star me!"

"Why are you doing this Dr. Quinzell?" he asked.

"A night reconnaissance?" she suggested, "Now! For my final trick!"

Harley snapped her fingers before disappearing in a cloud of smoke. In her place Joker's smiley faced bomb began to beep menacingly.

The children began to scream again and Joker made his exit...

--

"Nothing is crueler than children who come from good homes?" Joker asked when he walked through the bedroom door to find Harley reading a magazine in bed.

"Puddin! You were there!" she squealed.

"Yeah I was there," he said with a chuckle before sitting down next to her and kissing her softly "Good job. You've gotta teach me those magic tricks tomorrow."

"Of course puddin'" she purred, reveling in his attention and the rare compliment, "Was I heartless?"

"Extremely. My faith in you has been restored in you completely," he rep(lied).

"Oh puddin'!"

This time when he pulled down her bra straps she didn't protest. Then again, he didn't give her much choice. As impressed as he had been, this was the last time he'd be allowing Harley to ignore him for some crazy scheme.


End file.
